Cohost writing prompt: @slime-that — Goo that adventures with its friends
“TASTE MY SWORD!” Bob Battlefist screams, and hurtles across the ancient throneroom to engulf the lich in his flesh—
“Visca,” Visca’s girlfriend says ominously. “Can I see your character sheet for a moment, please? What does this say, here?”
“Elf,” Visca says meekly.
“Do I see anything here which says that elves, or this elf in particular, can engulf people in their flesh?”
“Um,” Visca says. “Sorry,” and then rallies a bit, tentatively creeping in the direction of the rulebook with a few pseudopods. “I just forgot the word for it, is all! It’s the thing!”
“The thing.”
“The thing that endoskeletal characters can do!” Visca pulses excitedly. “You know, it’s like engulfing but you do it with just your bony limb bits!”
Across the table, Hydraulex starts emitting a low, fluting moan of anticipation.
“Like engulfing, but with just your bony limb bits,” says Visca’s girlfriend Meniscusa, the GM, with deadly intonation.
“Grappling,” Visca says excitedly, as if the word’s just been revealed to her via divine revelation.
“Nooooooooooooooo,” Flo says in a tiny voice, sadly stroking her ranger miniature with her cilia.
“You can’t grapple with swords,” Meniscusa says.
“Oh, that was just in-character shit-talk,” Visca says brightly. “Bob Battlefist grapples the lich.”
Meniscusa slowly, pointedly reaches for the rulebook. Drags it across the table. Slams it open at a random page. Leafs emphatically until she finds the grappling rules.
“Alright,” she says threateningly. “Roll me—”
“I stick my sword in the Megapterodactyl!”
“You stick your — Visca.”
“What?”
Meniscusa roils a handful of dice inside her, like she’s simulating grinding her teeth. “With what limb, exactly, are you stabbing the Megapterodactyl, while you’re holding onto it in mid-air with one, and holding onto Flo’s dwarf with another—”
“I’ve got four limbs!”
Silence settles ominously.
“You can’t—” Hydraulex says resignedly, trying to head off Meniscusa exploding. “You can’t actually do that? It’s the rules.”
“Is this a joke,” Visca says.
“No, it’s—”
“Are these rules a joke.”
“Endoskeletal elvenoids have biologically specialised limbs,” Meniscusa seethes.
“But I’ve got four!”
“HALF OF THEM ARE SPECIALISED FOR SOLELY LOCOMOTION.”
”…You let Aulex’s character attack people with its legs.”
“AULEX IS PLAYING A MARTIAL ARTIST—”
“This is bullshit,” Visca says. “You’re telling me I only have half my actual number of limbs?”
“It’s simulationist,” Hydraulex says.
“It’s bullshit!”
“Long rest? OKAY GOOD. We’ll call it there and pick up next week. I’ll put the books away if you tidy the snacks into the kitchen — don’t head off, Visca, I’d like to talk to you once everyone else goes—”
“I was a little bit worried when Meniscusa asked if her girlfriend could join in,” Flo says quietly in the kitchen. “Might go easy on you, or something. Now I’m slightly worried she’s gonna actually murder you.”
“Nah, it’s fine,” Visca says airily. “I think Bob Battlefist is gonna die next session anyway, and Eddy should be back from sabbatical by then, I’ll just bow out.”
“Are you…actually having any fun?”
“Oh, lots,” Visca assures her. “And the worse I wind her up in session, the harder she goes on me when you guys leave! You know what I’m gonna get for making her do fifteen gruelling rounds of grappling rules?”
“Uh,” Flo says.
“Six hours of crazed wildcat emulsified fuckin’,” Vesca says beatifically.
