Cohost writing prompt: @Making-Up-A-Villain — Villain who orders pine and apple on pizza
Sandra looks down at the pizza wearily.
"What," she says flatly. "What even is the point."
"You've heard of fruit on pizza, Sandra," Challenger says, beaming. "It's got fruit. You've heard of tree sap on foods both sweet and savoury! This has tree sap."
"This is purely for a stupid fucking pun," Sandra says. "Bad enough I'm a hostage, I have to get some pun-based motherfucker—"
"I'm not a pun-based motherfucker," Challenger says. "I'm here to change minds, Sandra. I'm here to break preconceptions. Fruit on pizza! Pineapple! You know why they call it Hawaiian, Sandra? Because the US is a genocidal colonial power that illegally seized the kingdom of Hawaii and installed brutal corrupt fruit plantation companies, which invented the pizza topping wholesale as a marketing push. Pizza with pineapple sells pineapple, Sandra. It's as organic an idea as bacon for breakfast: a pure PR invention of postwar US pork marketing."
Sandra pokes the pizza with a finger. "By tree sap, you mean maple syrup," she guesses dourly.
"Which some people put on bacon!" he agrees cheerily.
"It's not exactly fungible with pine, is it."
"Greeks make wine with pine sap."
"Fucking retsina isn't much of an argument for it!"
"I work in preconceptions, Sandra," he chides. "You say you're a hostage, but I see an opportunity for you to open your mind—"
"Stockholm syndrome's bullshit," Sandra informs him coldly. "Pure cop apologia fabricated to discredit a woman held in a bank robbery when she told the press just how badly the Swedish cops fucked up their response."
"Wait, is it?" He hastily digs a smartphone out of his pocket, and spends a few minutes searching online. "...Fuck."
"Also." She shoves the pizza across the table at him, pointedly. "Maybe if you're so fucking conscious of preconceptions, you shouldn't have called yourself something so many people are primed to associate with the word disaster, dickweed."